This meme is spreading like wildfire across Facebook. So, I'm copying and posting it over here as well.
1. I am utterly devoid of creativity – even as a kid, my stuffed animals had names like Pandy, Monkey, and Baby Bear.
2. The first time I didn’t get a 100% grade on an exam I actually cried because I thought it meant I failed.
3. I am very verbose, particularly when writing, so you will note most of these little missives are quite wordy.
4. I swear like a sailor – in conversation, on the Internet, at work, wherever. I attribute this to my New York upbringing.
5. In high school I was such a troublemaker that I was actually “ranked” the #2 worst student in my class and considered a viable candidate for expulsion. Me!
6. I briefly went to a shrink in my 20’s, but I’m really the sort of person where dwelling on my quirks only wound up making me quirkier. Plus, the doctor was a total judgmental bitch.
7. I have overwhelming paranoia and OCD, which in turn lead to some fairly crippling bouts of anxiety and depression.
8. I “treat” the anxiety and depression rather than the paranoia and OCD, though, because the latter are what fuel my productivity.
9. I was a semi-finalist in the New York regional Nintendo World Championships in 1990. Channel 9 News even interviewed me at the event. Since then, though, my skillz have declined to the point that I might be the worst gamer in the world.
10. I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 26. Since then, though, I’ve never gotten a speeding ticket or been in an accident.
11. Despite fleeting moments of romance, love, and companionship, I have never really, truly had someone to call my “girlfriend.”
12. The above kills me inside, because ironically having that girlfriend is the only thing I’ve ever wanted.
13. The furthest I’ve driven for sex is 470 miles. Well, there was more to it than just that.
14. Last one on this topic, I promise: I am one of the rare individuals who can say that I’ve had actual sexual contact with a member of the opposite gender as a direct result of the fact that I blog. Again, there was more to it than just that. That person is now one of my sweetest, “bestest” friends in the world.
15. I constantly toe the line between "Do I want people to read my stuff?" or "Would I secretly prefer to opine in a vacuum?" Unfortunately, there are no secrets on the Internet.
16. I am the exact same person at work that I am at home, and I take criticism of my work as a direct personal attack.
17. Eventually, though, I’ll realize you were right and I’ll take your criticism into account.
18. That also being said, know that I am NEVER wrong when it comes to work!
19. Politically, I’m so far to the right that I might be left. I call my unique brand of worldview “libertarian fascism.”
20. My mom has an account on Facebook, but at the moment I am not friends with her because that’s just…weird.
21. According to AT&T Wireless, I sent/received over 2,000 text messages in the past month (!). 98% of them were to/from one person (!!).'
22. I’ve seen every horrifying and disgusting shock site that exists on the Internet, from Tubgirl to Goatse to Meatspin to Two Girls, One Cup to One Guy, One Jar. If you have no idea what this means consider yourself fortunate. Those things change you and you can’t “unsee” them.
23. I love the font Cambria and despise all things Verdana.
24. I have no qualms with wishing gross disfigurement and even worse ill will upon people who irk me, because I know that my thoughts are not reality and do not affect the odds of such tragic events ever happening.
25. It took me getting tagged in this meme approximately 15 times before I finally got up the motivation to get it done.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
This meme is spreading like wildfire across Facebook. So, I'm copying and posting it over here as well.
I have been remiss if I have not mentioned my deep and undying love for the tidbits emerging from The Yankee Years, Joe Torre's tell-all expose revealing the hated Bronx franchise for all of its sordid mess.
First came the revelation that his teammates referred to Alex Rodriguez as "A-Fraud." Now comes wind of Roger Clemens' rather unique pre-game ritual.
The story comes courtesy of Yankee trainer Steve Donahue who told Verducci about what Roger Clemens did as part of his usual routine to get ready for facing the Mets in Game 2 of the 2000 World Series. Donahue said Clemens’ usual pregame preparation included taking a whirlpool bath at the hottest temperature possible.
“He’d come out looking like a lobster,” Donahue said.
But here's the money quote: Then Donahue would rub the hottest possible liniment on his testicles.
“He’d start snorting like a bull,” the trainer said. “That’s when he was ready to pitch.”
It's amazing in and of itself that the trainer could even find Clemens' balls; after all, they must be practically "innies" by now given years of alleged steroid abuse.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Never one to miss an opportunity to analyze the potential outcome of any situation in the name of preparedness, the US Air Force has made public its actual, 100%-legitimate "Rules of Engagement for Blogging." And you know what? It positively reeks of awesomeness.
Amazing, and scary-accurate as a portrait of the overall blogosphere. Let it never be said that our boys in the military aren't ready for anything.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Wouldn't you love to walk into a meeting with an unruly client or bloviating manager and just start handing these out instead of your standard business card?
Somewhere, Patrick Bateman weeps.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
This came via an e-mail forward, but was so astonishing to me that I had to share. I have been frustrated for years by images of aluminum foil and plastic wrap falling out of the container and rolling along my floor, unraveling sheet by expensive sheet. Who knew?
I had to go into the kitchen and check this out for myself. Whoever looks at the end of your aluminum foil box? You know when you try to pull some foil out and the roll comes out of the box. Then you have to put the roll back in the box and start over. The darn roll always comes out at the wrong time.
Well, I would like to share this with you. Yesterday I went to throw out an empty Reynolds foil box and for some reason I turned it and looked at the end of the box. And written on the end it said, Press here to lock end. Right there on the end of the box is a tab to lock the roll in place. How long has this little locking tab been there? I then looked at a generic brand of aluminum foil and it had one, too. I then looked at a box of Saran wrap and it had one too! I can't count the number of times the Saran wrap roll has jumped out when I was trying to cover something up.
I'm sharing this with my friends. I hope I'm not the only person that didn't know about this.
I definitely didn't know, and I looked at the roll in my broom closet and hot damn if it wasn't true.
Now we know. And knowing is half the battle.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Despite having virtually unchallenged reigns to power in both the Executive and Legislature, I think it's going to be a real hoot to watch events unfold over the next few months to year. We are not even at Inauguration Day yet, and already the American Left looks to be in utter disarray and at its corrupt, back-stabbing, promise-breaking best.
First we had the talking heads this morning noting how important it was to President-Elect Barack Obama that we pass an economic stimulus package as quickly as possible into his administration. This includes, incredibly, keeping the Bush Tax Cuts in place -- you know, those evil breaks given to Big Businesses and responsible for the soul-crushing destruction of Main Street, USA. That is a "wow" moment to say the least, and a stunning turnaround of policy for a party that might be slowly realizing that armchair quarterbacking is a lot different from running the show.
Meanwhile, one of the most popular and influential blogs on the sinestrosphere -- the Huffington Post -- actually had the temerity to publish an article questioning Anthropogenic Global Warming and speculating on whether or not the modern-day Guru of Gaia, Albert Arnold Gore, might not be totally off his rocker. Granted, the resultant hysteria in the comments showed that AGW remains a vital and integral religion to the true believers, but perhaps this is a first indication of the greater intelligentsia's attempts to reshape the dialogue and turn down the rhetorical knob a tad.
Oh, and anyone that the Bearded Clam himself, Bill Richardson, had to quietly withdraw his nomination for Commerce Secretary today because of an impending pay-for-play scandal his New Mexico administration is about to become embroiled in?
The GOP remains a weak and in-flux party desperately trying to find its way in a changing world. That being said, a great lesson our new party leaders, whoever they may be, should learn is to begin by staying out of the way and letting the Democrats slowly cannibalize themselves while we rebuild and regain strength.
A lot of very technologically savvy individuals -- my boss immediately comes to mind -- like to talk/obfuscate the Big Picture with Utopian tales of "The Cloud" and how it will revolutionize business and infrastructure. If you are at all like me, your initial reaction to all of this talk may be to glaze over into catatonia.
However, thanks to this handy-dandy video (via Socialfishing), I now officially kind of "get it:"
This seems like a really elegant solution for many businesses -- maybe even non-profits -- but I remain skeptical of its long-term use across the world. I think there is something to be said about maintaining your own equipment and infrastructure in-house, provided that you can manipulate and maintain it successfully. Having complete control over platforms -- from office suites to e-mail to Web servers -- allows for a consistency and control that provides quick fixes for known issues and prevents non-standard usage. Besides, it's reassuring to at least physically know where everything integral to your company resides and how it all fits together. If my money is on the line, I'd rather be beholden to myself rather than anyone else, let alone some unknown entity operating out of Singapore or Indonesia.
That doesn't mean either way is better than the other. It's more a question of what you are capable of, and if you have the right plan to meet your needs. If I ran my own IT department, it would probably look a lot different than the one I deal with every day, and hopefully many of the problems we face as an organization (shoddy server uptime, outdated software) would be eliminated.
Without that coming to pass, though, maybe casting our fate into the windy, wispy clouds is the answer.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
No doubt most of us -- especially those off from work for 16 days and counting -- are lamenting and fearing the impending return to the office that January 5th marks. I know, personally, I managed to accomplish diddly squat of my goals for the time off, and am still as stressed and as frazzled as when I left.
Regardless, as indecisive and prone to bullshit each of our respective bosses might be, at least we don't have one of these jobs:
- Hotel clerk offers shelter to a woman who lost her wallet on Christmas Day, promptly gets canned. Talk about the holiday spirit being in full force. If it wasn't in the news I'd suspect this was a hoax "Grinch" story. Did a kindly innkeeper do no less 2,000 years ago by offering his stable to a poor, traveling couple with child?
- Don't like the fact that the pizza place you work at has no heat and regularly checks in at 20 degrees? Too bad. Here's the gem of an explanation left on the store's whiteboard:
“If you don’t want to work here quit, otherwise shut up and do your job. The next person I hear complaining is off for two weeks. We don’t have heat!! You guys screwed up, not us. You want to blame someone, look in the mirror.”
What a great boss. Has he/she also noticed, perhaps, a decrease in customers in the below-freezing establishment?
Thursday, January 1, 2009
The strict constructionist/classical liberal libertarian in me has always been intrigued by the movement to repeal the 17th Amendment, the alteration to the United States Constitution that mandates popular election for each state representative to the Senate.
Previously, Senators were designated by the individual state governors -- providing a real contrast to the populist House of Representatives and making Congress more of a model of a traditional parliamentary system. The concept was simple and logical -- a Senator beholden to the governor would fight more fiercely for his/her state and not be as motivated by personal or special interests.
Now, though, I see the shenanigans ongoing in both Illinois and my own New York and think, my gosh, I wouldn't trust the judgment of these state leaders to pick a dog catcher, let alone the top federal advocate for each of the several states.
Over here, first came the rhetorically and experientially challenged Caroline Kennedy, whose greatest claim to fame aside from sitting under her father's desk as a small child was getting a decrepit bridge named after her uncle. Fortunately, after realizing what a lightweight Kennedy revealed herself to be -- even stating that she would never run for the seat and would only want to be appointed! -- Governor Paterson has hopefully moved on.
Unfortunately, "moving on" meant perhaps creating a "caretaker" position for the seat...a dignified elder statesman who will hold the seat in his trustworthy hands until such time as the seat naturally comes up for reelection. The choices there? Former Governor Mario Cuomo (!) or...former President Bill Clinton (!!).
I give up. The thought of the smug, disbarred, and impeached Slick Willie once again stalking the halls of government, eyeballing and sodomizing every intern to come within fifty feet of his office, makes me ill. Almost as ill as watching Bill and Hillary put on their worst, ugliest display of faux-love last evening for New Years Eve in Times Square.
17th Amendment For Life!