What an Offseason, Mets Fans!

It's been quite the interesting winter for the New York Metropolitan Baseball Club. It started rather promisingly, with the acquisitions of Francisco Rodriguez and JJ Putz to sure up a much-maligned bullpen. But since then, things have taken a turn for the...odd. Let's recap, shall we?

- Former relief pitcher Ambioiz Burgos -- already facing domestic abuse charges thanks to allegedly doing all sorts of horrible things to a former girlfriend -- went and one-upped himself with a double-murder hit-and-run incident in the Dominican Republic. If sent to jail, Burgos will be the most infamous Mets murderer this side of Julio Machado.

- Owners Fred and Jeff Wilpon were among the many multi-millionaires taken to the cleaners by soon-to-be-convicted ponzi-schemer Bernie Madoff. And you wonder why the team hasn't made any effort whatsoever to sign free agent Hall-of-Famer Manny Ramirez?

- With Shea Stadium now reduced to just one small structural wall, it's lauded replacement Citifield is under heat from Democrats in Congress -- including UFO enthusiast Dennis Kucinich -- for getting its naming rights thanks to a $400 million marketing deal with bailed-out bank Citi.

- Did I mention Darryl Strawberry's soon-to-be-released tome detailing every sordid detail of his 1980s lifestyle?

- Oh, and remember those rumors of a gay Met that forced Mike Piazza to hold a press conference confirming his hetersexuality? We have a new prime suspect in Robbie Alomar, who is apparently suffering purple-skin, weakness, and foaming at the mouth due to full-blown AIDS.

Wow.

That last one was quite a shock. But now it all makes sense...the rumors, the speculation that the reason he spat at umpire John Hirschbeck was due to a questioning of his manhood, the pronounced decrease in his physical abilities seemingly out of nowhere.

But still...yikes.